Monday, June 29, 2009

About Feelings

June 29,2009

A speaker at a session of group therapy confesses candidly: (I paraphrase)

"How can I describe how I feel?

"I feel no desire, no motivation.

"I feel futility: what difference does it make whether I wash my face or take a shower or go to the super market or the laundry? What difference does it make if I wear the same pair of socks day after day?

"I am indifferent to everyday expectations. I know that having no exercise and eating high cholesterol fast food every day is damaging to my health but I just don't care. I just don't have the motivation to do anything about it. I feel like someone who is depressed, because I believe that's what depression is: losing touch with your emotional life........... except:

"People who are depressed sit around all day looking out the window thinking and doing nothing. They remain catatonic. They are out of touch with action. I am not out of touch with action. I get up in the morning, go to the restaurant, flirt with the waitresses, listen to and tell dirty jokes, make clever comments, can I say that I'm out of touch with my emotions.

"I live because I forcibly push my life along ahead of me. I force myself to do things which I would just as soon let lie. I force myself to act. But certain emotions are missing which make these actions pleasurable and significant, some attitude, some thought process. I feel as though I'm playing my life on a piano which has a key that sounds no note."


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