Saturday, December 12, 2009

On depression

December 12,2009

I think that depression is a loss of desire. Whenever I feel depressed and/or withdrawn I sit down at the computer and I write,

"He was depressed."

And I wait for a response. I consider this act of writing tantamount to knocking on the door of the mind and shouting,

"Okay, open up in there! I want the info!"

I may sit for a long time thinking about nothing but then a fleeting thought will cross my mind which may have nothing to do with depression. It may be:

"I was just thinking how my father loved to work in his garden!"

An odd, random thought indeed. I write it down. Now I'm taken to thinking about my father's garden and another thought occurs to me at random. I write:

"I always wanted to work with my father in his garden but he would never let me. He thought I was stupid. He always called my mother to come and get me when I was around him. It hurt my feelings. I only wanted to show him how much I loved him-------------"

Now, suddenly, you have a comet by the tail. No more glum, unfeeling staring into space. The mind is creaking open and the pain issues forward. Maybe you can't handle the pain but there it is. It's a game breaker which can knock your depression for a loop.

The mind is eager to tell what it knows if one can find the means to ask. It works every time for me and in the process of discovery the depression is inadvertently forgotten. Once you make that break with your depression it can never hold you fast again. All you need to do is listen to your thoughts and write them down as they emerge. Your story will tell itself.


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